An Insight into Women's language

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

The 17 secrets you never need to share.

1) That you do pelvic-floor exercises to get you through that really dull meeting.

2) You got ever so drunk one night, pulled the horrible, but inexplicably magnetic, barman in your local, and it was HOT

3) That you once dreamt you snogged your uncle. Not even the slighly good looking one

4) About the one time you just couldn't wait and peed in the bush outside your house.

5) Every now and then, you have to pluck out an extremely long, blonde facial hair.

6) You've tried desperately not to, but you still fancy one of your boyfriend's friends.

7) You sometimes irrationally fret that ghosts do exist and thus your long- dead grandma can see every little immoral thing you do.

8) Whenever you walk past a building site, you pretend to talk on your mobile to avoid the 'Alright, sweetheart?' sleazy chat.

9) You shoplifted a mars bar when you were 12- and felt a delicious thrill from getting away it it.

10) You talk to your cat in a baby voice.

11)The insane jealousy you feel for your little sister, who looks just like you- Only younger. Not fair

12) That you couldn't find Poland on the map if your life depended on it.

13) You'll never understand why people thing sex on a beach is romatic. You want sand there!?

14) that you think your friends baby looks like Yoda from Star Wars.

15)You've been known to look at his facebook photo's up to, oh, three times a day.

16) You agree with Sex and The City's Samantha that, ''they dont call it a a blow job for nothing, honey''

17) That the gorgeous three-course ''home cooked'' meal you served his parents wasn't just food, It was M&S food.